A Move towards acceptance
Okay trying to admit to myself that I have been in love with a man who doesn’t feel the intensity of what I felt; he isn’t without feelings for me, but not exactly the feelings I would prefer; not my situation exactly. All I’m finding are bitter pills and I don’t want to eat them yet. Must supplement my diet with something better for me: him, of course, but I can’t make him love me the way I wanted him to love me… I accept him as he is. Not worth losing a friendship that I’ve had fr or so long.
Can’t believe how willing I seem to accept this –because the man I love is so great… Guess that instead of running away to join a circus, I run to join, surprising myself, a group of women this man sees. But it is what it is… He lives elsewhere –he is such a good man….but not exclusive. Doesn’t mean the same thing at all unless he chooses me, but that’s not likely to happen —I accept this. I will not longer try to get him to change his mind. He will be a good friend of mine… And still in my life, and that is good enough for me!
You wake up in a cold sweat at 1am crying because of a dream about them. You dreamt they were with someone else; a graphic dream of them with another, more beautiful someone. As you try to calm yourself down, you tell yourself this is just a dream. Through the words of reassurance you know that your only telling yourself lies.
They do not love you and you feel it with every breath you take in. You feel the heaviness in your chest, knowing deep down that the way you love will never be reciprocated. You put your heart and soul on the line only to be rejected, time and time again. Wearing your heart on your sleeve becomes a default, not a sporadic thing. When someone claims to love you, but doesn’t, you start to notice patterns of disrespect. They kissed another person? They were just drunk. They ditched…
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